Dental Jokes

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."


A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."

The man asks "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"



A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls. The dentist says,

"Madam, I believe you have taken my private zone."

The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."



Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.


Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?...

A month later he was picking his teeth


What does the dentist of the year get?...A little plaque


What game did the dentist play when she was a child?...Caps and robbers


What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?...He braces himself


What did the dentist see at the North Pole?...A molar bear


What was the dentist doing in Panama?...Looking for the Root Canal


Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the filling station


Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...He was already taking out a tooth


What did the dentist say to the computer?...This won't hurt a byte


Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it


What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?...Fill me in when you get back


Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."


"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."


While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too." When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."


"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"


A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth. After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the patient says, " Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet when you are finished? "

The dentist replies " Sure you will! "

The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before! "


Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.

Young dentist: Don’t worry, it's my first extraction too.


Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.

Assistant: Why don't you marry her?

Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.


Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.

Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.


When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."


Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"


Young Charlie to dentist's sexy chariside assistant "Aha ! Are you the lady orthodontist ?".

The lady replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth "


A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.

A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.

He then took off his socks and washed his hands.

The girl looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist!"

Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Why yes. That's amazing. How did you determine that?"

The woman replied, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."

Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and... (*snip*)

After their passionate deed was done the woman remarked, "You must be a GREAT dentist!"

The guy was very surprised, and said 'Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist... You amaze me! And how did you know THAT, my dear?

His lover said, "That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."


Stammering Charlie to dentist's sexy secretary: "I have an appointment to get my morals - er molars checked."


Young lady to father "Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor "

"Dentist" "Why father ?" "We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!"


Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?"

"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door.

Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"

"To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."


A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentists surgery in an obvious state of agitation. The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her. She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the required equipment. When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.

So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.

Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realizing that the dentist had begun glaring at her, she said, "Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. I hate dentists. Why, I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled."

Replied the dentist " Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can accordingly adjust the chair."


A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.

"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair...try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."


A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."


Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.

Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.

Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!

Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.


Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $200

Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.


What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?

Having your dentist tell you.


Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket day-night game.


Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie...


A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn’t nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.

The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."


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